I must admit a guilty pleasure. I simply love to get my co-worker lovingly nicknamed “Hawk” all riled up as he talks about natural cures for various things that trouble one in anything from: digestive issues, psychological and even one’s heart!! Is Hawk a Dr? Well no silly! Hawk is an electrician who watches a lot of TV. He diagnosed me two weeks ago with a liver that just wasn’t up to par and instructed me to drink vinegar, eat flax seed and stop eating meat! But, the pleasure isn’t really in Hawk talking about all this; it’s in some of my co-workers who do not love to hear it like I do. There’s one co-worker who just gives me the dirtiest look, ‘cause there’s not telling where his conversations are going!
Like a few weeks back when he described in detail the particulars of his recent eye surgery. If looks could kill as Shelle glared at me! He talked about how it was basically painless, and then someone else chimed in about how something they had done to their heart was painless and that the Dr. had explained that these parts inside of our body had no nerve endings. How strange. The areas that you would think couldn’t tolerate that type of procedure without being unbearably painful can indeed handle it.
Made me think about how I handle my pain.
I got my feelings hurt last week. It was the kind of thing that it stings it hurts so much. I began to process it. Think about it. Stew over it. And at some point God spoke to my heart: forgiveness is better than revenge. I wasn’t thinking “Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord” “God’s gonna get YOU!” But, it was just that God was speaking to me that unforgiveness truly is not an option in the life of a believer. That’s tough to hear when you are hurting. Doesn’t seem fair. You are there for them. They aren’t there for you. You put them first. They put you last. You didn’t talk about them. They talked about you. You always want them to be comforted. They have allowed and even caused your hurt. I really believe that the following scripture
35 It is mine to avenge; I will repay.
In due time their foot will slip;
their day of disaster is near
and their doom rushes upon them.”
may be misused for us today. I believe that first of all God isn’t saying “come on my favored child; watch me punish another believer on your behalf.” First of all, in the body of Christ, just like in our own homes, when one kid does wrong, he gets in trouble, but isn’t spited, or hated or cast out. We act as if God is going to do this. Second of all for those outside the body, God wants them in the family, so yes He will punish, yes He will protect you, but our attitudes are often spiritually smug and prideful, and that is not God’s attitude. I have resolved that what God is saying to me is “you do not need to be at all concerned with them “getting theirs”. You have no options here but forgiveness, and the payback you need to be concerned with is your own-that will keep you busy full time as you work on your own character. Loves covers a multitude of sins, and Jesus said “forgive them” so I know this is true.
But the letting go, it hurts so much. The humiliation. The feeling inferior. I began to think about those surgeries. The inner parts not hurting. I also thought of a paper cut. Is there anything more painful and yet more minimal as far as a cut? But the inside of a person can be painless?
When I am in self-defense mode that’s what I get. The power of self. There ain’t much there. I’m afraid. I’m looking around. I’m wounded and think I will die. But if I lay my weapons down and allow that inner part to be exposed and maybe sacrificed, Who is in that place? Who takes that pain and helps me? I can handle more in God’s full power than the tiniest hurt on my own.
There are attacks that only God can take and either walk us through or destroy.
Dear God, I give you my hurt because you gave me your heart. All of it. All of you. God forgive me for trying to keep any part of my being. I pray for my friend reading this. Lord we feel so pressed down, squeezed, lifeless. God, please accept our full being, problems and all so that we can accept Your help in this moment.
We love you Lord!
Amen
