Chloe and I are sort of obsessed with Discovery Health. I guess I started watching it about a year ago when I was at home during my recovery from surgery. We watch John and Kate +8, 17 and counting, Untold Stories of the ER, Mystery Diagnosis, and any other specials that happen to catch our eye.

Well, Sunday night we were both glued as we watched “I didn’t know I was expecting.” Our jaws dropped as we saw women go into the hospital with unexplained pain, only to find out they were in labor. One lady had twins!!!! Can you imagine? They gained very little or no weight at all, weren’t sick and didn’t have any of the other symptoms of having a baby.

I found a picture of me the other day when I was expecting Chloe. The picture was taken at Christmas, and Chloe was born in at the end of April. I looked pregnant with twins even that early. By the time Chloe was born, I think I looked like Kate Gosselin when she was having 6. Thing is, I was only having 1!!

I loved being pregnant. The special attention. The excuse to eat. The new clothes. The picking out baby stuff. The anticipation. I can’t imagine missing the experience of being pregnant, and then just BAM-having the baby.

This is how a lot of Christians (including me) live our lives. We are expecting, but don’t live that way. We live as if we are barren Christians. When I say barren, I mean without hope of what God says we’ve already been given.

See if we are Christians, we will receive what God says we will receive. If you are a Christian, Heaven will be your home. If you are a Christian, one day things will get better. You are “pregnant” with the promises of God’s word.

Think of how a woman looks when she’s expecting. She glows. She rubs her belly. She sings songs. She smiles. She talks about the future.

As a Christian, do you have the hope of a person who’s expecting?  Expecting the promises of God? I haven’t either lately.

Anticipation is one of the biggest parts of the process. If you and I lose that, we are going to miss out on part of what will help us as we go thru the ups and downs of life-until the time of our own “special delivery.”

Romans 8:22 (The Message)

22-25All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us; any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy

Last night was my nephew Caleb’s 14^th b-day celebration at my in-laws. I’ve shared before that it’s always a good and relaxing escape to go over and be with them and Mark’s brother and sister and their families. You know it’s really funny, my father-in-law is quite the jokester and you’d never know from the outside looking in. But he always thinks of funny things to do, and actually does them in order to preserve a memory for his kids and grandkids. Like making funny videos, and building canjos. Gretel does lots of things to build memories too. They’ve made movies, scrapbooks for each grandchild of their lives, Gretel makes a quilt for each child when they graduate, that is patterned for whatever they’re interests and color preferences are. When Mark and I got married Meagan was 7. They went right to work to do anything to blend Meagan in as a grafted in grandchild so that now she feels like she was planted there.

Well Debbie brought over a video that Ray had made of the grandkids in 1998. He comes out and says his little funny opener and then interviews each grandchild. It was hilarious. It’s so funny how similar their mannerisms are today compared to ten years ago. It was really sweet when Ray said “We’re missing one of our grandkids today. Meagan’s not here. So we’re gonna let Adam tell you about her.” Then Adam proceeded to describe her. It was so funny when he said “Oh, she LOVES to watch me play video games.” It’s funny because the truth is that Adam loved Meagan to sit and watch him play video games, but she only did it when she bargained for him to do whatever she wanted in return.

As I think back to those 10 years ago, so much has happened. There was no Chloe in that video, and I’m not sure anyone thought there would ever be a Chloe. Three of those kids have graduated high school. One’s in his final year of college, but in the video he said he was just going to be a car mechanic. We’ve all had extreme ups and extreme downs and been through things we didn’t expect, and weren’t sure we could endure. I bet Ray and Gretel at times thought it was tough to endure having some days of baby-sitting all 8 of the grandkids in the summer. Just when the 7^th was almost ready to start school, Mark and I said “Guess what!” putting 5 more years on them to be the day care. Somehow, I don’t think they’d have it any other way. I look back on times when Chloe was a baby, and the ear infections. The entire night after night after night of crying. Living with 5 people in an 1100 square foot house, with Chloe in the room with us until she was 2. The stomach problems with Chloe. The times when Adam was young and would be scared at night. The times when Meagan’s Asthma would require breathing treatments, and trip after trip to the Dr. The time when Mark had a bleeding ulcer and almost died. The time one year ago when we didn’t know if I was going to have major reconstructive kidney surgery or not. Kids getting speeding tickets. Kids having car problems. On and on and on and on the list could go and still continues to go. My sister-in-law told me years ago “that which does not kill me, makes me stronger” and it’s true

I don’t about you today, but I am really needing the hope of tomorrow. I think back to the times Chloe was little or sick, and I thought she would never sleep for an eight hour stretch in her entire life, but now she does. I know that many of us look at our country, or our churches, or our finances, or our kids, or our marriages, and a host of other things in our every day lives and think “This is it. It will never get better.” I understand. I’m right there with you questioning what I should give up on, what I should keep hoping and praying for, what direction I should take.

Matthew 7:7-11“Don’t bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn’t a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we’re in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn’t think of such a thing. You’re at least decent to your own children. So don’t you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?

Why is it that we so often think that those words mean anything other than exactly what it says?  God hasn’t changed, at all.  His promises remain.  For some reason we (including Christians) are in panic mode.  I’m not blind.  Things around us are terrible.  The Bible has told us this will happen.  Why are we so utterly shocked???

2 Timothy 3:1-5Don’t be naive. There are difficult times ahead. As the end approaches, people are going to be self-absorbed, money-hungry, self-promoting, stuck-up, profane, contemptuous of parents, crude, coarse, dog-eat-dog, unbending, slanderers, impulsively wild, savage, cynical, treacherous, ruthless, bloated windbags, addicted to lust, and allergic to God. They’ll make a show of religion, but behind the scenes they’re animals. Stay clear of these people.

But we are not doomed. God will rescue us. Over and over He rescues us. We realize how dependant we are on Him when things are terrible, but we are equally as dependant on Him when things are wonderful.

2 Corinthians 1:8-11We don’t want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us in Asia province. It was so bad we didn’t think we were going to make it. We felt like we’d been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally—not a bad idea since he’s the God who raises the dead! And he did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he’ll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing. You and your prayers are part of the rescue operation—I don’t want you in the dark about that either. I can see your faces even now, lifted in praise for God’s deliverance of us, a rescue in which your prayers played such a crucial part.

Speaking of terrible times……………my morning.

I got up late and had to take a shower, which I always shower at night, but didn’t last night. Chloe’s alarm wasn’t set, so she sleeps late. Everything’s sort of ok time-wise ‘cause I’ve already decided I’m just going to leave the house in it’s super tornadic state. Then at about 7:32 or so………………….the phone rings. (My hair is still damp, I’m not dressed.) I run upstairs to find the phone. When I find it, it stops ringing. My cell phone rings and Chloe gives it to me, it’s Meagan. Meagan is telling me some long drawn out story about how she’s going to come home with a friend, come to my work and interview Marvin for a school project, and then have Cole take her back to school. In the meantime the house phone rings again. Mark’s on one ear, Meagan the other. It’s 7:38, I’m still not dressed. I’m in the bathroom, and I hear, “Mommy, Mommy, where are you.” Chloe runs in, semi crying. “I lost my other tooth, it hurts so bad. 7:40, not dressed. You can figure out the rest.

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=264421e8e43eb04839f9

Glad to be at work today so I can rest.

The weekend was full, very full. I mean the entire weekend.

Friday night was 5^th quarter at Joyful Noise. Myra and Greg felt God leading them to offer a youth-led event after the football games on Friday nights. I offered to help her in any way. I absolutely love Myra. Do you think God has a sense of humor? See, when Myra opened the coffeehouse at Joyful Noise I was jealous. Very jealous. I wanted to open a Christian coffeehouse. Holly and I. Didn’t happen. I just knew that Myra was stealing my dream. Now, 3 years later I consider her a prayer partner and friend and battle warrior for Christ. So, when she allowed me to help her Friday night in the coffeehouse, I could see God’s hand in it. Me in a coffeehouse, but in God’s timing, in God’s way. His plan. Isn’t that awesome?? By the way, please come out to Joyful Noise on Friday Night. Fifth Quarter starts at about 10:30, and they also have a concert at usually 7:00 or 8:00. You’ll love it, just trust me.

Saturday was the community outreach and then the homeless shelter. The community outreach was a chance to offer popcorn, and a little information on our church, and just a smile to people in the Chapel Grove area. Anytime me and my aunt Pat are together it’s a hoot, and Saturday was no exception. I want to offer a praise report that I didn’t’ get my arm chopped off. There were several times when we knew that the people were not home, so Pat would just let me put the bag in their newspaper slot. The problem-she technically didn’t stop; she’d slow down and expect me to throw the bag in. “Pat!! What are doing??!! I’m gonna get my arm chopped off.” We’d bust out laughing. We encountered a friend on our last row of people we were visiting, who at that moment I think needed a hug. God is so wonderful. I told Pat I believed our entire day was planned around that moment. The shelter was next. Pat and I went to get the other items we were going to cook, and headed to the shelter. We made a pit stop and got me and BK Joe. Well, we got to cooking and some people-a big group walked in. The shelter had double booked churches to cook!! What could have turned disastrous-didn’t. You’ve heard the saying about too many cooks in the kitchen, but that didn’t turn out to be the case. Walnut Grove had brought an entire meal in addition to us. So, the people ate as much as they wanted Saturday, and we made knew friends at Walnut Grove. One man tickled me. Now you have to realize what was on the plate: Pork chops, green beans, hot dogs, potato salad and bread. Pretty good meal. The guy picks up the bread and sees the pork chop underneath-“Where’s the steak??!!!” (He’s not joking) He drops his break and said he wanted more and so I gave it to him. The guy who runs the shelter was worried I was offended and I told him it was totally fine. The meal was good and there was enough left over for me to have some rice. I love rice.

Sunday was church. One of my favorite truths in the Bible was discussed: That God is no respecter of persons and that the know-it-all group of old, really knew nothing- ‘cause being close to Heaven isn’t where a person wants to be. Being close isn’t being in. Sunday night church was Shine Night. It was good. So many ways of people glorifying God. Vision planned an impromptu Tony’s trip after Sunday night church.

Monday I slept until 10:00 and had absolutely no idea I had slept that late. No idea. The medicine my insurance won’t cover is out and I guess I just crashed. So I got up and decided to try and continue to clean out Chloe’s room. You have never seen the amount of stuff that is in that kid’s room. Her room is tiny mind you. So I had pulled all of what looked like extra stuff out and put it in Adam’s room. I knew better than to do this when Chloe is at home. Everything I was going to get rid of Chloe would say “I might start playing Barbies. I might want to start reading that book. I might want that.” Mark stepped in and helped me finish it up. I realize it will take a lot of work to get my house in order. I sure do want to.

You know Chloe’s attitude towards things she hasn’t picked up in five years is how I see many people treating their lives with Christ. They don’t want Him unless they decide they might want to start needing Him, or maybe some day they’ll want to start living with Him or for Him. It doesn’t work that way. We have a free will that’s for sure. But that also gives us the freedom to choose the wrong path. God is not some cotton-candy all-you-can eat county-fair experience, when you want to go to where He is you go and spend the day and then leave. God is not a “just in case” puppet. He’s offended when we treat Him that way.

Are you reading this??? Then it is not too late to tell God you want to start over. I have to do that daily. I mess up constantly. But I want God to be more than a part of my life; I want God to be my life. He loves you so much. So much. He just wants us to understand He loved us when we were unlovable and undeserving and to live for Him and do good works out of worship and thanksgiving. We can do this!!!

God,

Help us both today. We’ve made mistakes. You say you love us but we feel so unloved. Help us to shake off the lies Satan puts before us and see the Truth and be set free.

Amen.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=proverbs%202;&version=65;

My mom used to collect Wizard of Oz memorabilia. Not to the point of being obsessed with it by any means. In fact I think we (her family) took every birthday and any other chance to gift give as an assumption we’d get the latest salt and pepper shaker of Toto and she’d love it.. I remember when Meagan was 6 going to see Wizard of Oz on ice and mother was excited about that. I think the reason that my mother loves that movie is because her feet look like Dorothy’s. It makes me sick. I have feet that look sort of like……………..mmmm I guess maybe something from a horror movie, and my mother has size 6, perfectly petite, perfectly painted, perfect pretty feet. I covet them in every way. If you see her at church Sunday, go up and ask her to look at her feet. I can promise you they will look as if they’d just been manicured. Ah the characters. Do you identify with any? I most definitely identify with the scarecrow (but you know that). Need a heart?-tin min. Need a home?-Dorothy. Need some courage?-cowardly lion. But at some point my mother said that she had all the water globes, salt and pepper shakers, pot holders, soap dispensers, cookie jars, stuffed animals, porcelain dolls, spoons, shirts, gowns, books, special edition movie copies, Christmas ornaments, pocketbooks, teapots that she really needed………..for the rest of her life. So, now at her birthday we always pass, pick up, take to the check-out counter, remember what she said and put it back, and end up getting her a gift card.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEEyijiTW-I&feature=related

The cowardly lion. What an oxymoron. This is me today. Is it you? Here’s the LION for crying out loud, who could have growled and possibly terrified his opponents. Instead though http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23ZqedYqBpQ&NR=1

Are you the cowardly Christian today like me?

Proverbs 28:1 The wicked man flees though no one pursues,
but the righteous are as bold as a lion.

I don’t think that means as bold as a cowardly lion. No, not I don’t think it doesn’t mean that, I know it doesn’t.

I was sitting here a bit ago weighted down with life. I carry around a 10,000 lb boulder of guilt and shame placed on me I believe by Satan. I was just feeling so responsible for things that I’m really not responsible for, feeling so overwhelmed by things I can’t change, feeling empty. At some point I felt God lifting that, but only when I heard Him say “I have taken these burdens, but you must let me.” I gladly said “OK.” It’s so difficult to know who you are in Christ when you are the only one who knows. See, I find my self-worth and identity in what you think of me. So if you don’t tell me I’m a good person, an acceptable person, then in my mind I’m not. That is totally wrong-on my part. God says I’m forgiven and he understands and his grace and mercy is new each morning. The only acceptance I need is God’s-and I have it. So for me to feel a constant sense of shame is wrong. It’s wrong for too. If you have allowed Christ to consume your heart and take up permanent residence, then you’re a new creature. Old things aren’t there any more. But I firmly believe that we have the free will to live in defeat until the return of Christ and be so miserable. I don’t want to be rude, dismissive to godly council, spiritually arrogant, prideful, or anything else that would come across flippant; I do however know that the only help for my cancerous self-hatred is find my true identity in the one who says He loves me-just the way He created me. So, if someone says something that’s meant to………….well……………..offer me their “friendly advice” and you see me stick my face upward and let it roll of my back, just know that I’m not ignoring them, I’m asking God what He thinks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUfDxRelPHg&feature=related

How ya like me now??

Oh goodness. Monday morning, school-day 1 with my little Chloe-Belle. Well, last night I sort of got this cute little outfit idea in my head for Chloe to wear to church. It sort of had a punk twist. I had her try it on and I thought she looked so good. If any of you know Ciera Boheler, it was sort of a Ciera B. style, who Chloe adores. I had to reason with her a slight bit, but not much. She knew she looked good. The outfit wasn’t dirty and so I told her it would be really cool for the first day of school. As usual with Chloe-never make ANY assumptions. She gets up and I ask her if she needs help getting dressed and she said “No.” She comes in my bathroom. “You look so cute Chloe!” She’s fidgeting and twisting and pulling on the shirt. This is a bad sign. “Don’t you think this outfit is to sassy for the first day of school?” (I’m laughing again even typing this.) I try to look serious and tell her it most definitely is not. “I don’t know. It just seems too sassy.” This is my child for you. I straighten her hair per her exact specifications of straight down with a slight flip that mustn’t be too noticeable.
Chloe does not want to be a standout. She is her father up one side and down the other (minus the gray hair). She’s beautiful, and extremely smart. But she would rather blend in the crowd than for someone to say “Chloe, stand up and tell the class how you taught yourself to play piano” or “Chloe, you have pretty eyes.” But don’t worry; I’m determined to break her and Mark of this! HaHaHa!!!!!

Last night Chloe said that in Sunday School they had made folders to take to school that were a representation of their relationship with Christ. She told me that she was afraid of getting in trouble. I explained to her that in many places of the world people are murdered for sharing Christ. I attempted to explain to her that we must share Christ. I let it go last night, but I want to try to explain an important lesson to her as well all of us: Witnessing without words can be your most powerful witness. A folder that says “Jesus”, a lifestyle that’s different from the world’s, a smile, listening to Christian music, all of these can be done without words. So, if my kid gets kicked out of school because of her folder that says Jesus, it’s fine with me. You won’t change my mind. But see the trap of Satan is that she won’t get kicked out most likely. We are trapped by what ifs. So scared of what might happen, we don’t do anything. Before you know it, we’re in a state of stagnant. What a bad, bad place to be.

The weekend’s services at our church were preached by prophecy teacher Dr. Jimmy De. Young. http://prophecytoday.com/

So sorry if you missed it. When he talks about the rapture he says “Poof!! And we’re outta here.” The last time he said it during the Sunday morning service; I jumped out ten feet in the air. It was a God-thing that on Friday night at Joyful Noise and then from Dr. Young Matthew 18:18 was referenced “I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be[a]bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be[b] loosed in heaven.

They both said things that I’d never heard, or never remember hearing.  Friday night, Gunner at Joyful Noise said that he believes what we loosen is the grip of Satan and what we bind to us is the power of Christ.  Dr. Young said Saturday night he was so sick of people saying they are binding Satan.  He said that Satan is alive and well, and that our only hope to beat him, is to allow Christ to do it.  I think Dr. Young was saying that if we say “I’ve bound Satan.  I don’t have to think about him” we will be in for problems. I am awakened to the reality of Christ return.

I’ve thought before, “Why are we told in detail the horrors of post-rapture if we won’t be here?”  I don’t know every reason, but I’m absolutely sure that 1 reason is to stir our hearts to share the love and truth of Christ.  Many of us say “Oh, I’m so glad I’m going to Heaven and that my children and friends are going to Heaven” as well you should be.  But what about the rest of the world?  Do you care?  Do I care?

I was so stirred and convicted yesterday when Dr. Young talked about the need to evangelize alongside any help programs we are a part of. More important than the help of us is the hope of Christ. I loved it when he said “I’m not here to give you a fish dinner, I’m here to teach you to fish.” I thought about the homeless shelter, and so many things I need to change. See if I just go serve a meal at the shelter and that’s the end of it-then they’ve had 1 meal. If I share Christ with them, Christ can change their entire life.

So Chloe and I are going to discuss this whole thing further, and I hope that you and God can discuss whatever He would you to do to stand up for Him and to share Him. Because there is no doubt the rapture of the church is closer than ever.

Well, the queen of biscuits has done it again. Don’t know who I’m talking about? Let me give you a few more clues:

1. Pronounces the word flour “fla’r”
2. She drinks vinegar
3. She cooks in fatback grease yet works for the Heart Society

Yes. That’s right. My aunt Pat. It’s like a big joke that people always say she’s my real mother. We’re just very alike. Love to cook. Make big messes cooking. Procrastinate. Late for everything. Dream big in God. Know that He can do anything.

I have seen Pat do things that people say are impossible. She is bold in God, and I believe God likes that.

The other day she called me and said that she realized the upcoming Beauty Within Seminar needed a bit of a different approach. She said she realized that we were only targeting churches and youth groups. She said this needs to go out to everyone. I mean duh!! What were we thinking? So, as per her usual determination, she starts making calls and is attempting to reach out to secular media.

Pat is so right. Last night I believe I realized something: Jesus will go out of flock to rescue the lost. Nothing new, right? Well for me it sort of was. I realized last night there’s quite a deep truth and meaning behind that story.

Luke 15 1-3By this time a lot of men and women of doubtful reputation were hanging around Jesus, listening intently. The Pharisees and religion scholars were not pleased, not at all pleased. They growled, “He takes in sinners and eats meals with them, treating them like old friends.” Their grumbling triggered this story.

4-7“Suppose one of you had a hundred sheep and lost one. Wouldn’t you leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness and go after the lost one until you found it? When found, you can be sure you would put it across your shoulders, rejoicing, and when you got home call in your friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Celebrate with me! I’ve found my lost sheep!’ Count on it—there’s more joy in heaven over one sinner’s rescued life than over ninety-nine good people in no need of rescue.

Dear God help us to get it.

OK, who was listening intently? That’s right, the people of doubtful reputation. Who wasn’t pleased, wasn’t at all pleased because of who was listening intently? That’s right, the Pharisees and religion scholars. What did they say? That’s right, that Jesus had befriended the lost and hung out with them.

What did Jesus say? That’s right, he said he will leave all of the saved to go after the lost. He will leave the walls of a church and go to the place sinners are.

Church is a place we come corporately to worship God, to learn about Him and to grow as a body of believers. In our spiritually infantile brain we think lost people just come to church and that’s the majority of where we should evangelize. Jesus knew better, and if we’ll grow up a little, we’ll know better too. Jesus didn’t speak in theory about His beliefs. He practiced His beliefs. I’m tired of talking about it. I’m ready to do it.

I’ve heard many stories of people who use their everyday lives and normal encounters as opportunities. Do that today. You never know who you’ll encounter and what difference you might make.

http://focus.chapelgrove.com/Beauty%20Within.htm

Holly and Meagan went to go see N’Sync. Holly paid a ridiculous amount of money for the tickets for her and Meagan, but Meagan loves N’Sync. You know they sing that song “Bye. Bye. Bye.” They went yesterday. Wait……………………………they couldn’t have went yesterday. That’s right, now I’m remembering. It only seems like yesterday, because yesterday is when we moved Meagan to college. How has 1998-2008 passed in the blink of an eye?? Really how has 10/25/89-08/21/2008 passed so quickly?

I have quite a headache this morning. It’s probably good that I’m at work right now, because if I was in a place where I could sob, I would. I’m still choking up if anyone says too much to me, like “how did it go?” It feels like a sudden death. Adam last year, and now Meagan, and the reality is that in the blink of an eye, it will be Chloe. When we finally left yesterday, as we were walking back to the truck I was really crying to the point of embarrassing myself, yet unable to stop. Ali (Meagan’s bff) went with us. I think that made it easier for Meagan and Ali. Ali said “just think, in a few years this will be Chloe.” Mark said “when we move Chloe, I’ll be in a wheelchair.” That made me laugh. For those of you who don’t know, Mark was 38 when we had Chloe.

I guess what made me start crying over and over were the thoughts of Meagan. That loud cackling laugh when she’s with her friends. Her lifetime of hair accessories; ranging room the humongous bows I always made her wear to the hats to the booshkas to the clips. The time I accused Adam(9) of lying, when Meagan(8) said that she didn’t carve that writing into her dresser. (I found out years later that indeed it was lil’ miss innocent) Her love of Winnie-the-Pooh and American Girl dolls until about age 15. **Come to think of it, if we sell all those American Girl dolls we’d have enough money for college!** The time she skipped school, but was so naïve she just went home and got caught all before the first bell. The way she always wants to please people. That inner desire to always hope.

She called me on the way home and again last night. She was good. Really good. I thank God.

Her roomie is a Christian. Nickname is Neesie. Her dad is a coach at Harding HS. I didn’t get much of a chance to speak with her mom, but she seemed nice.

So now as we begin this new chapter with 2 gone, and 1 at home, I’m going to pray God guides them and us, and that He’ll mold all 5 of us into who He wants us to be.

I’ve heard Billy Graham say that what shocked him most about life is how quickly it has flown by. I believe this to be true as I watch my children grow, me and Mark age, our parents age, people who’ve passed both young and old. There is absolutely no doubt we are closer than ever to meeting our Creator, whether through the rapture or death. It will be the blink of an eye.

Have you noticed the sun lately?? Incredible. It’s been these beautiful shades of orange, and at times it hides behind clouds so that you can almost look at it directly. The rays have been powerful and something that could only be orchestrated by God himself. The other night the moon looked almost red. Ask Chloe if you don’t believe me. I am noticing my surroundings more than ever. It’s as if God is saying “I’m coming. I’m here for you. I can see everything going on.

I got home yesterday and received what, for me at least, seemed like extremely discouraging news. As I shared a few months back my Dr. diagnosed me with a daytime sleep disorder (which basically means I’m sleepy all the time), put the word idiopathic in front of it, (which basically means they don’t know why) prescribed me medication (which basically has radically changed the way I feel). Sounds good, huh? Well as I also shared the Dr. said there might be a problem with my insurance covering the medication, because there’s no generic. He assured me that he had pre-cert employees who deal with insurance regularly, and this would be taken care of. So, I believed him. Racking up bills for the medication, but not worrying because he said it was going to be taken care of. I contacted my insurance company who told me the same thing. Well, after about 4 or 5 months we’ve racked up $300×5 and it is not taken care of. I have begun the appeals process and scheduled a phone interview with their appeals people on Thursday. I called my Dr. Office assuming he’d be willing to participate since he told me he would do ANYTHING to make this happen for me when all this started. Well, his office called me back yesterday and said that the Dr. said the best thing for me would be for him to refer me to a neurologist and have a sleep study conducted. The problem is with the medication and what it’s approved by the FDA to treat. It’s too complicated to explain, but suffice it to say, I believe my best, and most certainly easiest and logical next step would be for the Dr. to at least make an attempt to say “This medication is helping Gina.” to my insurance company. But, now I’ve been told the easiest thing would be to have a sleep study which involves an overnight hospital stay and to go to a specialist. To me that isn’t easy.

The other bummer was that Adam called and said he forgot to buy a meal plan at college. It might not sound like a big deal, but this ain’t the price of a lunchroom meal plan from elementary school. Now the little bit of money he was gonna have in case of emergency is gone.

Excuse me while I go take 14 extra strength Tylenol.

Ok, I’m back.

I was sitting on the couch for a few minutes alone last night and fighting back tears. I wasn’t angry at God. I wasn’t angry with Mark. I wasn’t angry with anyone. I was just drained. I tried to fight it off, and went upstairs.

Then came the beautiful. The phone rang and it was Holly. We don’t usually talk past 10:00, and it was after that. “I just got a text from Tiffany. It says that her and Carson and Victoria got saved and to pray.” I said something like “Holly, now don’t you lie to me!” “Gina, I’m serious. I’ll forward you the text.” See, the reason I said that is because we have been praying and praying and praying and praying about this. A few weeks back Tiffany was home for the weekend and during the invitation Roger said “God is dealing with someone” and I knew it was Tiff. She was sitting in front of me and I mean I felt it so strong. I prayed for her the entire time. She didn’t go forward. After it was over Roger said “I know God is still dealing with someone.” I told Holly after the service that I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt it was Tiffany. I think God was working on Tiffany and has been.

In case you don’t know, Tiffany is Holly’s sister and my first cousin, Carson is her husband and Victoria is Carson’s sister. Apparently Victoria encountered someone yesterday who invited her to a revival and they all went. During the revival the congregation was asked if they knew with certainty their eternal destination. They all realized they didn’t know. They then realized they needed to know, and asked Jesus to lead their lives.

It’s so tempting to be consumed with me and my struggles and miss what’s most important.

Oh God thank you!! Oh God thank you!! I know the angels are rejoicing.

Ephesians 2:8-9 (The Message)

7-10Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It’s God’s gift from start to finish! We don’t play the major role. If we did, we’d probably go around bragging that we’d done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.

I think it’s Monday. I think I’m at work. I think I need to hurry this blog so I can go get more coffee.

See it’s been yet another weekend of lot’s of fun and little sleep. Holly had asked me a very long time ago if I would help her with Rebekah’s birthday, and I said I would. It was to be Saturday night and she was going to have a few people over and let the older girls stay. (Chloe was going to stay because I was going to stay) I told her I would. Well some of the youth girls wanted to spend the night at her house Friday. So, Holly said they could. Holly pours her heart and soul into these kids. She wants each one to know they are special to her. So when the few wanted to come over, even if timing wasn’t the best, she’d still say “OK.” and have a great time. Well, Holly says “You and Chloe stay Friday night too.” All the while the 80s back-to-school party for youth is uppermost in my thinking. Vision was supposed to be in charge of the food for the party, and Holly wanted me to come to her house right after work Friday (with clothes for the entire weekend). I couldn’t quite figure out how I was going to pull this off, since I didn’t have the first thing bought for Sunday, but I knew if any person could help me accomplish this, it was Holly. I went home and threw mine and Chloe’s stuff in my car and took of for Holly’s. I got there, and after a lil’ bit she and I went to Harris Teeter for a few snacks. We got home and the kids started gathering. Meagan and Ashley were there too. Richard and a few of the upcoming senior guys, and Mark, went to hang for a bit and then they came back to Holly’s. The guys continued to ignore me as I said “Well, I hate y’all have to go.” We went to bed so late. So, so late. Saturday we got up, Rich came home to tend to the girls and Holly and I headed out to accomplish what were obviously impossible tasks. In a two hour time span we were going to get the things for the party, plus for the 80s party (which involved various locations). We did it. As I said with Holly these things just work out. We were also trying to get out “outfits” for the 80s party, which for us wasn’t too hard to figure out, ‘cause we both know all about the 80s. We got back and Rich was getting stressed (or so I thought). “Holly, do you have………………………………….??” Some things she didn’t have yet. I thought I perceived tension and stress. Party happened successfully, and as I said, with Holly it just works out. At some point in the night Richard was going to his mom’s for a bit, and to the church as well to see how the decorations were coming along that Meagan and Christi were doing for the party. When he left I hopped up and said “Holly, let’s get all this cleaned up.” “What? Gina, sit down and rest. Rachel’s gonna dance for us.” “Holly, we need to get all this done first. I think Richard was getting upset. I don’t want him to be upset and stressed out.” “Huh? Gina, he is not stressed out. That’s not being upset. I told you, we don’t even ever argue.” “Well, what was it then?’ “It was nothing. Now sit down. We’ll do all that in a little bit.” As I said with Holly…………ya know. Everyone went to bed very late. Now 2^nd night in a row. Sunday morning we had to get umpteen kids and us to church with their bags and sleeping stuff. I don’t think I was very helpful to Holly on Sunday morning. Church Sunday morning was absolutely wonderful. The content of the message was dead on. Now, after church I still had to get the rest of the food for the party. Dress up. Oh yea, and Pat invited us to eat. But, Holly would be with us, so it would work out. The party was a 100% success in every way, and Richard delivered a powerful message, that challenged us all for this upcoming year. I would like to talk in detail about Sunday and may in the next day or two. (103) in attendance last night at the party!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s right. (103).

Now as you noticed, I’ve commented throughout about Holly. I learned some powerful things this weekend. Holly has learned/is learning to not take offense to every single thing, and to live her life in joy no matter the outward circumstance. I mean when I thought Rich was upset, and Holly said he wasn’t, she saw it for what it was. He’s exhausted. His mom is dying. He has the call of God on his life to lead youth. I could tell she genuinely meant it when she said “Oh, he’s not upset.” Therefore there was never any tension between them. Me on the other hand, I take offense to most things when it comes to Mark. See it’s my choice to be offended or not to be. http://www.reachingtheonlinegeneration.com/2008/06/26/dont-get-offended/

It was huge for me and a realization of how I’ve seen Holly maintain and survive and thrive and grow. She chooses not to be offended. I’m not putting her in a high place and exalting her to something she’s not. She’s human and she has struggles. But I’m watching her attempt to live by this. The other thing Holly does is LIVE. She doesn’t sit around and worry and tomorrow and next week and next year and sacrifice today to do it. I’ve watched she and Richard be wonderful parents to Rachel and Rebekah and yet spend time and invest in others and maintain one of the strongest marriages I’ve ever seen. I believe the key is living in the moment. Let the hate mail roll in, but I don’t care. Yes, planning is wise. Yes, goals are good. But I told my class this statement recently and believe this is one of my new life themes: HESITATION CAUSES CANCELLATION. When you hesitate to live in Christ-the world system of pretend godliness takes over. That system says you survive in Christ not live in Christ. Yesterday Roger touched on the rich young ruler who was told by Christ “sell everything and follow me.” See Jesus wasn’t saying “Become a pauper and follow me.” Jesus was saying “Trust in me to meet your every need.” The problem wasn’t the money, the problem was the trust. People read that story and assume that man was gonna have a miserable life if he followed Jesus, as if Jesus wanted that or something. If that man sold everything, and gave to the poor that doesn’t mean he would never have food, or clothing. It meant he fully knew Jesus would be the source of his needs. This is why people looking inside the church from the outside sometimes turn away. We present as miserable. Who wants that? I used to always tell Holly, “No. My house is a wreck, I can’t go. I’m too tired. I’ve gotta……………..” when she would invite me to do something, and I would think “How can she do this right now??? Isn’t she worried about the Beauty Within Seminar? I mean it’s 6 months away, she needs to plan for that tonight. I mean goodness, it’s only 8 years until Rebekah leaves for college. They need to plan what color she wants her room. Silly isn’t it. But truthful. But Holly doesn’t live like that-therefore she LIVES.

So, last night after the 80s party, after a few hours sleep the entire weekend, after all that, when Meagan said “Can people come over? It’s my last night at church before college?” I said “Yes.” Because I could see it for what it was. The last Sunday night Meagan could be with her friends before college. Plus I could see it for what it wasn’t. It wasn’t going to be the end of my life if I went one more night with too little sleep. If the house wasn’t perfect, or if I came to work with bags under my eyes the size of a White Castle Hamburger- that doesn’t determine who I am.

Thanks girl!! Thanks again!

I am excited yet struggling. Struggling because the devil has put temptations and problems in my path. Struggling to repent as in change, not just say “I’m sorry.” Struggling to hope in the form of trust and in spite of appearance. But I’m excited too. Excited because change is on the horizon. Excited because the devil considers me a threat. Excited because Jesus will be back soon.

Every person that I feel connected to is struggling; people that’ve said to me, and I’ve said them “we should do …………………………..for the Lord’s work.” We make plans, or attempt to, and then it seems as legions of demons are sent to harass and discourage us. I was thinking the other day about Paul and Silas in prison. I tell you what, if I would’ve been in their shoes, I think I would’ve said “It’s over. It’s not meant to be.” They were rejected, arrested, in prison, in chains. I mean come on. This couldn’t be what they were supposed to do, right? If God wanted them to do what they were doing, He wouldn’t allow ridicule, and imprisonment, right? You and I both know I’m being totally sarcastic. But the kicker is that we do, as modern day Christians, base our decisions on the way things appear. We completely forget Jesus told us we’d have struggles in the world. We forget the meaning of faith-believing in the unseen.

Remember what the devil said about Job. He told God if he’d be allowed to take everything from him, and inflict his body with sickness that Job wouldn’t be so worshipful. So God allowed these things to happen to Job. In the end Job was restored and throughout God was honored. Why Job? Why did the devil want to bring Job down? Was it because of a random drawing? Did he pick straws? Flip a coin? No. It was completely intentional. Job loved God and was about his Father’s business.

So many of us have drawn our spiritual line in the sand and said to God “This as far as I’ll go.” Don’t put conditions or restrictions when it comes to your belief in who God is and what he can do. God is not limited. We are the ones who put the limitations in place when we try to grasp the awesomeness of God.

Mark 9: 21-22He asked the boy’s father, “How long has this been going on?” “Ever since he was a little boy. Many times it pitches him into fire or the river to do away with him. If you can do anything, do it. Have a heart and help us!”

23Jesus said, “If? There are no ‘ifs’ among believers. Anything can happen.”

Last night Holly Blanton and I were having our weekly jibber jabber session. Every Wed. for weeks she has driven me to my car which is parked on the other side of the church. It started innocently enough with her dropping me off, but has gotten longer and longer every week, and I’d say we’ve gotten closer and closer. Well it’s just our little assumption now that we’re gonna talk, maybe cry, maybe laugh, maybe pray, until……………Well, last night we were doing our normal, when here it comes. Gaston County Police. Say what???? She says to us “Can I help y’all?” What did she say? Can she help us? Like we have no right to be there. I step out of the car. “We go to church here. We’re talking. Is it ok?” She says “Yes. I’m just going to sit here for a while.” Well, ok lady. Just hit here. And we’ll just sit here. And we all did.

See this is how so many of us feel. Like we have no right to be where we know we’re supposed to be. Rejected by the one who we thought was meant to be our protector. It’s all a trap of the devil. We must look beyond what we see with our eyes, if we ever hope to see God.

23Jesus said, “If? There are no ‘ifs’ among believers. Anything can happen.”